People tend to be surprised when I express my occasional doubts about my abilities. Which usually makes me smile in a bittersweet way. Because I do ENJOY spreading positive cheer and I love to banish doubt, but I am a writer too, so prey to doubts & insecurity just as much as the next writer. Fortunately for me, these bouts are infrequent and short-lived. Today I am in the grip of discouragement. I’m not easily discouraged, but it does happen on occasion, and usually with my writing. That is not the case today.

I’m in the middle of a blog tour for my newest release, Tattered and this book has been a long journey for me. With all of the ups and downs that I’ve had during the writing/revising/editing of this book, it wouldn’t surprise me to have doubt strangling me about this point over whether the book was ready to release. Oddly, I feel rock solid about the book itself. My melancholy today was brought on by feelings of inadequacy to get the word out about this book. How can I shout loud enough to be heard over the holiday bustle? Activity around the internet has been frenetic. Everyone is pushing their products, offering deals, shouting out good tidings to all. The activity is swirling all around and I feel like a blade of grass in a stormy river, whisked along at a frightening speed toward the whirlpool funnel, struggling desperately to reach the safety of the shore. How can I rise above?

I recently had someone compare my books to food. They are a taste that most people haven’t yet experienced. And sometimes when we haven’t tasted something, we fear it. We’re afraid we won’t like it, that the taste will be too foreign. But then when we do taste, we may have found another favorite food, something we can’t believe we’ve ever lived our lives without. It won’t strike everyone the same way, but that’s okay — it’s why we have variety. There is no doubt that my books are not the average young adult fare. I don’t think it makes them less than, just as I don’t think it makes them superior. It just makes them different. It’s also one of the reasons I chose to take the path to publication with them I did. I knew they’d be a hard sell, and in the current industry upheaval, would be near impossible to place. But I know these books have a purpose and need to be read. I believe in my work — in fact, now more than ever. Which is why today I feel discouraged about being lost in the crowd. But in addition to having the sunny-side-up personality, I also have an innate inability to give up. So today I may go swirling down the whirlpool, but tomorrow I will have figured out a way to climb onto shore. I may lie there for a moment, catching my breath, but then I’ll get up and continue on the journey once more. The books are like a present, all shiny and tied up with a bow, containing the unknown — you have to open them to find the gift inside.

Yesterday I noticed we needed more toilet paper (and yes, apparently I am the only one in the household who is gifted with the ability to hunt for toilet paper in the wilds of a store and successfully capture and bring it home.) I meant to stop at Walmart (across the street from work, so the most convenient place) and get some before coming home yesterday, but forgot… I won’t elaborate as to why, but will just say it has a lot to do with how the work day went. So what, you say? I am a self-confessed freak about having enough toilet paper in the house. I break out in a sweat if I get down to the last roll. It may be strange, but deal with it.

Since I felt so blah upon arrival home after having forgotten about the toilet paper, I didn’t go out and get any last night. Which was epic because we actually put the last roll on the spindle – a true indication of how off I am feeling. So today at the end of work, I did go get the toilet paper (yes, I bought two 24-double roll packs for two people in the house, what of it?) and proceeded home.

As I exited the freeway on the last leg of my homeward journey, I thought about how melancholy I felt and was having one of those “is all of the effort worth it?” moments. And there was a huge line at the stop light and it took forever to change, and all I wanted to do was to get home, get into something comfortable, and turn into a slug. To top things off, some guy in the lane next to me started honking his horn and calling out.

Yes, he honked and called to me. I rolled down the window and his first question was, “Are you the author?” What a wonderful thing to hear while waiting for a stoplight to change from eternal red to green. And before you think this guy is psychic or something, you should know that I have a magnet with the cover of Misfit McCabe on the car door. He was in the car with what I presume to be his daughter, and we proceeded to have a brief conversation about the book and he wanted to write the information down, so I grabbed a bookmark and hopped out of the car to give it to him. (I told you the light was eternal red). We shared a few more words, and finally with a green light we both moved on.

I laughed a little as I moved up to the light (no I didn’t make it through, but he did) because on the seat next to me were the two humongous packages of toilet paper, and I thought of some people I know who would have been embarrassed to have a conversation with toilet paper on the seat. Not me. If I didn’t stop for toilet paper, we wouldn’t have arrived to wait in the line at the same time and I wouldn’t have made that particular connection. So the lessons learned:

1. You can’t embarrass me with toilet paper.
2. Always make sure you have bookmarks to hand out with you in the car… you never know when you might need one.
3. And when things seem dreary, something will come along to show you some light… you just have to allow it to come in.

Oh, and the pic really works for me, because I was having such an eeyore-ish moment, and suddenly the world had sparkles.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch…

This saying reminds me of how Monica looks at life. She is a take-no-prisoners, no-holds-barred kind of person. Her mind is sharp, intuitive, and she possesses one of the most wicked talents in writing I have ever run across and she has the wicked wit to match. I met Monica online through the #wipfire hashtag and I promptly fell in love with the writing. Watch this one because she is a rising star, which as soon as she reaches the launchpad is going to take off like a rocket. She has a way of asking a question (especially when I’m unbalanced) and all of a sudden, perspective is gained, and I am able to continue on with the writing with greater clarity. She has amazing knowledge and I want to soak up as much from her as I can.

Linda on the other hand is one of the few online friends met outside of Twitter. She and I met through an independent book review I review for. She posted her book Along Came a Demon and requested a review, and I read, reviewed, and LOVED it, and a friendship was born. Linda and I support one another through all of the trials of putting our books out in the best shape possible. We have laughed, cried, and screamed together, cajoled one another through the rough patches, celebrated in the good times, and mourned in sorrow. (By the way, in the pic, I’m the pup not paying attention to what’s going on with my tongue lolling out.) I have enjoyed watching Linda grow as a writer and was perhaps even more excited than she was when she was approached by an agent wanting to rep her Whisperings series. We are definitely in this thing called the writing game together.

So when the time came for me to plan vacation for 2010 and the original plan included a trip to Washington, I kept looking at the map and decided that Utah where Linda lives wasn’t too far out of the way, I’d make sure I stopped by to meet her in person. Then, as my friendship with Monica grew, I knew fitting her in to the vacation would be a simple thing because she lives in the town where my dad grew up, and I would be visiting relatives in the area. We had a wonderful weekend hanging out together, talking about writing, wandering around soaking in inspiration, and actually doing some writing (Monica insisted). The memories will be cherished – and I thought my cheeks might break from laughing and smiling so much. After the weekend with Monica, I drove to visit Linda and loved wandering around the town on which she has based her fictional town for her paranormal mystery series. Of course, Linda may have panicked a bit when she almost got a house guest for a longer period of time than expected when I fell on her deck and twisted my ankle. Well, twisted is probably being nice… I ripped the ligaments to shreds. But I was able to ice and had some ace bandages with me to wrap the ankle with, so I moved on as planned.

I could go on and on (but I hear their groans about the length already). Both of these women mean more to me than words can say. They enrich my life, and I don’t know how I would have survived the past year without them.

There are so many words I could use to describe Eisley Jacobs (@EisleyJacobs) it’s not funny. It’s not a question of just where to start, but how to trim down. I could start with good-hearted, but that doesn’t come close. She is sweet, funny, devout, dedicated, enthusiastic, talented, wise, warm, caring… do you see what I mean? The list could go on and on. It’s even hard to say which of those characteristics (and by no means is that a complete list) I can say I cherish most about her. I was drawn to Eisley online for her optimism and enthusiasm. Always there with support for anyone who is struggling. Unafraid to question, and once an idea hits, she’s off like a rocket to fulfill her dreams. Eisley is currently in Ethiopia helping World Vision help the people of Ethiopia. She went to a church meeting one night, came back and announced she was going, raised the funds, and has been increasing in excitement ever since. I know she is blessing the life of everyone she comes in contact with, and I’m excited to hear her stories upon her return. Eisley sponsors a child in Ethiopia as well, but unfortunately she was unable to meet her this trip. Eisley shows this same enthusiasm for her writing projects, and has three fiction projects in various stages at the moment, one proposal for a non-fiction venture which is still waiting on a response, and the one which makes me smile probably the most; she will shortly launch her middle grade novel, Dragons Forever. Her love of this project has been evident all along the way and I have enjoyed hearing about reader feedback and how it has warmed her heart. I met Eisley at the now legendary RMFW conference, and if possible Eisley is even MORE in person than she is online. A true force of nature and I love and respect this woman more than I can say.

I first met Betty Viola Blue (@bettyviolablue) through the #wipfire hashtag. I have to say I was intrigued by her writing prowess, and that she wrote about demons in heaven and angels in hell helped to pique my interest. As good as she was when I first ran across her writing, Betty’s writing has improved and I have enjoyed watching her evolve as a writer. And I can’t think of too many people I’d rather have looking over my posted lines – her eye is keen, and her advice is always on the mark. I was a little confused at first when Jane Kindred (@JaneKindred) popped up periodically and made a statement I expected from Betty. It turns out Jane is Betty’s alter-ego and writing name, and I think Betty gets a little confused from time to time on which account she’s using. Now I just laugh when that happens. For the remainder of this post, I’ll refer to Jane as Betty because that is how I know her best, and since I met Betty/Jane at the same time in person, it will be easier. Online Betty can be a little quiet, popping in to make a comment, or (what’s even more fun) rant at life, and then will disappear to make the most fabulous baked goods known to man kind. She has half the Twitter population drooling with her descriptions. I first met Betty when I took a much needed, rambling vacation this past summer. Since I would be passing by San Francisco in my rambles, I thought it would be a shame not to meet Betty as I passed through. I am so glad I did. We met at a tea house, which had recently removed a car from its front window, and had a wonderful conversation about writing, editing, chasing the dream, and in general life’s obstacles. Betty is an absolute DOLL!!! When I made the decision to go the the RMFW conference, Betty was one of the first people I thought about cajoling into attending, so I could see her again and spend more time with her. One of my favorite memories from the conference was watching/listening to Betty speak Russian – it still makes me smile. During the conference Betty kept trying to find out whether her dream agent, Sara Megibow, was in attendance. Unfortunately she was not. But it turned out not to matter, because after the conference Betty resubmitted her work to Sara and is now repped by her dream agent. I couldn’t be happier for her. Betty has been working toward this dream relentlessly, and she has the talent that deserves to be recognized. And I for one feel my life is enriched by knowing her and can’t imagine being a writer without her in my life.

As I was getting to know Branli, I noticed he would frequently communicate with someone named @snowppl and for some reason, @snowppl was to blame for something… well, everything. So I started peeping in on the conversation periodically and learned that @snowppl was actually Andrew Turner or Drew. I noticed that any time Branli racketed around the countryside, Drew was by his side. I became convinced they were actually Siamese twins separated at birth and virtually connected at the hip. Which made my first meeting with Branli highly unusual, because he came to meet me without Drew at his side, practically unheard of. Branli and Drew refer to themselves as each others non-romantic life partner, and their friendship is strong. I think they are good for one another because each helps to support the other through times of crisis and pushes them to strengthen areas where they may be weak. Drew has a caustic wit, and will leave you in stitches during the course of a conversation. He is a wonderful person to be around and one of the best huggers I know. Once he gains a little self-confidence, Drew is going to be unstoppable.

I feel blessed to have both of these gentlemen in my life, especially since they are close enough for us to get together a few times a year.

I first met J Koyanagi (@JKoyanagi) online through the #wipfire hashtag, where we post lines from our current WIP (work in progress). The first thing I learned about J was that she had some of the most beautiful descriptive writing I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. Her imagery is so vivid it can hurt (and I mean that in a completely complimentary way). Her sensitivity to nature and the beauty which surrounds us is so developed and she has the ability to turn the phrase so well, I am in awe. She is truly an aesthete (and not the pretentious kind). J’s feedback on others writing is also well-considered and thought out. Her eyes on your work is definitely an asset. So I was very pleased when I heard she would also be attending the Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers Conference in Denver. J is just as true in person as she is online, and someone who experiences life at a seemingly different level from the masses – and this is a good thing. The other thing about J is that the great love of her life is her doberman, Esper. I love the pictures of Esper which are posted and the way J talks about her. She is family, just as my pups are family to me.

J’s roommate at the conference was someone I had the pleasure of meeting in person before when she attended SCBWI in Los Angeles. I first met Carolina Valdez Miller (@cvaldezmiller) online at the #amwritingparty offering wine and snacks (cheese and crackers maybe?) Carol is an absolute doll. She is hard-working, dedicated to her craft, and does some of the best Vlog’s I’ve seen. So if you haven’t seen them, you should hop on over to her website to view. Carol also write the young adult genre like I do, but we are at opposite ends of the spectrum. She writes for older YA and I write for the younger. She writes urban fantasy and I don’t even understand what that means (just kidding). I write contemporary realism. While it was good to see her for the couple hours out here in Los Angeles, I really enjoyed the time we were able to spend together in Denver. We talked, laughed, commiserated, cajoled, encouraged. She is determined to make it in this business and she will. A very talented writer, and wonderfully supportive friend. A dynamic combination.

Dawn blew into town on the night before the conference and joined the group for a bit as we all chatted about our travel, and which sessions were most important for us to attend. Dawn had her plan all mapped out and once the conference began, she executed her plan… which meant we barely saw her after that, or at least I saw her here and there, but didn’t get much of a chance to chat with her.

Frankie wasn’t actually attending the conference, but lived somewhere in the Denver greater metropolitan area, and she came by for pie after the first night. I tend to be the clueless one, and I didn’t even know what was going on until ordered to go have pie with Frankie. Well, I had coffee, but the group had a great time chatting and Frankie quickly became a member of the crew. So much so, that we snuck her in to the hospitality suite the next night. Shhhh – don’t tell anyone she was there.

Right up front, I’ll tell you that the graphic adorning this post was selected specifically because of Mireyah Wolfe. It reminded me soooo much of her, I had to use it. I really enjoyed meeting this fireball from podunk Louisiana and she made the conference memorable in more ways than one. Mires, as she is also called, kept threatening to go up in flames if she crossed the threshold of a church (which I for one wanted to see), and although the youngest of the group, definitely held her own in the conversations. One of my favorite memories (sorry Mireyah) is when she tried Sushi for the very first time. The facial expressions were priceless. Suffice it to say, Sushi is not going to be high on her list of favorite foods for quite some time. But what I admired was her determination to try the food, and to experience life. Plus, she now gets to use the experience in her writing. I can’t wait to see how.

For example, we travel to and from work with Eve and know if there are any shady characters with her on the train. We also know when the bosses decide to to the unthinkable and actually give her stuff to work on. They should KNOW she has writing work to do that has NOTHING to do with the firm. What are they thinking, anyway… oh wait, they pay Eve for the pleasure of interrupting her writing time. Hmmmm. I guess we can’t complain too loudly then.

And Veronica – Just when you think she’s not around and hasn’t been paying attention to the stream flowing past her, she pops up. It makes me laugh almost every time. She either has a cogent question in response to the post, or has something snarky to say. You just have to love this girl.

I’m so glad I had the opportunity to get to know them at the conference and for them to join our growing Twitter family.

Addendum: One other person at the conference was Linda Baggus (@LindaBaggus), who is very sweet, and very enthusiastic about her writing. She just joined Twitter not too long ago, and needs to get more involved so give her a shout the next time you’re online.

I was unable to attend the SCBWI (Society of Children’s Book Writers & Illustrators) conference in Los Angeles this year due to scheduling conflicts, but I did manage to make the dash up to LA to meet some of my twitter friends because their closeness and the opportunity was not to be missed. In doing so, I was able to briefly meet Jessica Love (@_JessicaLove) and earmarked her twitter ID for future stalking … I mean … following. It was a brief meeting, but one of these days as time permits, I’d like to meet up with Jessica again, because I do like to be in touch with local writers. It is like breathing purified air when talking with local like-minded authors. Plus, I love supporting them in their endeavors.

Along with Jessica, I briefly met Heather Trese (@HeatherTrese). Unfortunately the meeting of Heather was brief because conferences can get crazy and she needed to get something to eat – foiled by another scheduling issue. I know I’ll have the chance to meet Heather again. Maybe at a conference we BOTH attend in the future. I’d love the chance to sit and talk with her for a while.

In my early days of Twitter, while I was trying to figure out how this social networking thing worked, I ran across the #amwritingparty hashtag. This is where Twitter really started to gel for me and I came to meet some of the most amazing people I know. I met the creator of the #amwritingparty hashtag, Sara McClung (@saramcclung) at SCBWI Los Angeles. In fact, she was one of the people I specifically drove there to meet. Sara is a great cheerleader for writers online, giving words of encouragement to others and leading by example of getting the job done. She’s not online as frequently as she used to be because she is focused on getting her own work honed until it shines.

And last (for this post anyway) and in no way least, I met up with Janelle Alexander (@JanelleAlexandr), another local S. CA writer, in a Starbucks for coffee and writing. Janelle and I have frequently talked about putting together a writer’s retreat (one where actual writing is done, so anyone who reads this who is going to attend KNOWS we WILL be writing) and ONE OF THESE DAYS we are going to make it happen. Maybe 2011 is our year. Janelle loves meeting up with other local writers, so if you’re in the area, you should give her a shout.