People tend to be surprised when I express my occasional doubts about my abilities. Which usually makes me smile in a bittersweet way. Because I do ENJOY spreading positive cheer and I love to banish doubt, but I am a writer too, so prey to doubts & insecurity just as much as the next writer. Fortunately for me, these bouts are infrequent and short-lived. Today I am in the grip of discouragement. I’m not easily discouraged, but it does happen on occasion, and usually with my writing. That is not the case today.

I’m in the middle of a blog tour for my newest release, Tattered and this book has been a long journey for me. With all of the ups and downs that I’ve had during the writing/revising/editing of this book, it wouldn’t surprise me to have doubt strangling me about this point over whether the book was ready to release. Oddly, I feel rock solid about the book itself. My melancholy today was brought on by feelings of inadequacy to get the word out about this book. How can I shout loud enough to be heard over the holiday bustle? Activity around the internet has been frenetic. Everyone is pushing their products, offering deals, shouting out good tidings to all. The activity is swirling all around and I feel like a blade of grass in a stormy river, whisked along at a frightening speed toward the whirlpool funnel, struggling desperately to reach the safety of the shore. How can I rise above?

I recently had someone compare my books to food. They are a taste that most people haven’t yet experienced. And sometimes when we haven’t tasted something, we fear it. We’re afraid we won’t like it, that the taste will be too foreign. But then when we do taste, we may have found another favorite food, something we can’t believe we’ve ever lived our lives without. It won’t strike everyone the same way, but that’s okay — it’s why we have variety. There is no doubt that my books are not the average young adult fare. I don’t think it makes them less than, just as I don’t think it makes them superior. It just makes them different. It’s also one of the reasons I chose to take the path to publication with them I did. I knew they’d be a hard sell, and in the current industry upheaval, would be near impossible to place. But I know these books have a purpose and need to be read. I believe in my work — in fact, now more than ever. Which is why today I feel discouraged about being lost in the crowd. But in addition to having the sunny-side-up personality, I also have an innate inability to give up. So today I may go swirling down the whirlpool, but tomorrow I will have figured out a way to climb onto shore. I may lie there for a moment, catching my breath, but then I’ll get up and continue on the journey once more. The books are like a present, all shiny and tied up with a bow, containing the unknown — you have to open them to find the gift inside.

From the back cover: What do Sunday afternoon court proceedings, cheerleader tryouts, and a book burning have in common? Katie McCabe is back in action.

After her nemesis Harvey is found guilty and sentenced to community service, Katie wants to believe her troubles are over, but Harvey won’t rest until he gets revenge. When blackmail rears its ugly head, she’s caught between friends and enemies putting her growing relationship with Tom at stake. Books go up in flames and Katie’s world rains down in tatters.

And now….. *drumroll please* …. the cover!!!!

I love book releases. There is something special about all of the efforts the author made finally coming together and having them share their inspiration with the world. And the release of a debut novel is even more special. Knowing the writer is finally seeing the end product and is sharing something so intimate with the world for the first time. Because the book writing process is an intimate one and I know from personal experience, the blood, sweat, and tears that go into the process. That’s why I’m especially glad to be able to participate in The Secret of Spruce Knoll Tour of Secrets.

The Secret of Spruce Knoll by Heather McCorkle

Following the tragic death of her parents, Eren Donovan moves to Spruce Knoll to live with her aunt. Little does Eren know the entire town of Spruce Knoll is filled with “channelers”~a magical group of people who immigrated to the small Colorado town when they were driven out of their own lands.

Channelers are tied to the fate of the world. As the world slowly dies, so do they~and they alone have the power to stop the destruction of Earth. Now, Eren learns she not only lives among them, but she is one. When she meets local boy Aiden, his charm convinces her that being a channeler may not be all bad.

WOW! Something tells me the fate of Earth might be tied to Eren. And who can resist a charming boy named, Aiden? But since this is the Tour of Secrets there must BE secrets involved…and my secret I’m going to reveal is related to Aiden, but not about him.

I got it from the secret master, herself, Heather McCorkle. Aiden’s adoptive father, Virgil is abusive — and it’s tough to have any sympathy at all for him. What he tries to hide is that he (and his wife) desperately wanted to have children, but it is becoming increasingly difficult for channelers to have children. After years of trying they became so desperate that they adopted Aiden (how I can’t tell you, that’s another secret!). But shortly after the adoption, Virgil’s wife became pregnant. That certainly complicated Virgil’s feelings about Aiden!

While that doesn’t make up for the abuse, it gives Virgil a layer as a character that we wouldn’t expect. But wait! there are PRIZES!!! Hop on over to Heather’s Blog for the full rules (and to find out how you can score extra points). And here’s what you can win:

1st place:
*$50 gift certificate to B&N (or the Book Depository if you’re over seas).
*Autographed copy of The Secret Of Spruce Knoll
*Special swag bag

2nd place:
*Swag bag filled with:
*Autographed copy of The Secret Of Spruce Knoll
*Spoiled by Heather Cocks & Jessica Morgan
*Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan
*Hush Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick
*A Need So Beautiful by Suzanne Young

3rd place:
*Autographed copy of The Secret Of Spruce Knoll
*Swag bag

And don’t forget to pick up your copy of The Secret of Spruce Knoll — available NOW!!!

The odd thing is that prior to writing No Boundaries I had more of an idea of what I wanted the book to be when it grew up than any other I’ve written. I had a more detailed outline. I knew the majority of the characters, there were fewer surprises for me to deal with along the way. It should have made the book easier to write, but it didn’t. Or maybe it did, but I don’t realize how bad things would have been with something else. I’m still struggling with this book, but this time from a different persepctive. Although there are days when I feel like I will NEVER get the editing completed, I know I ultimately will finish this and get it on the shelf.

Now my digging has taken on a different aspect. Before I was frantically trying to dredge up what I could so I didn’t drown in the hole (or get buried alive or any other such drastic thing). Now, I’m still digging through this story… but it is to find the pearls I know are there. At one point through the process of writing No Boundaries I contemplated stopping, calling it quits with this series and announcing that I had been beaten (okay – maybe it was more than once). What stopped me was the story itself. It has value; there is good in there; I just have to clean the mud off. Does this mean because of all the difficulty I had in writing this book that it will not be as good? Absolutely Not!!! This book has a lot that I love, and I can’t imagine Katie’s life without these events. It just means I need to take the extra time to slog through the mud and dig out the pearls.

What are your writing challenges?

I just finished writing a rough (and I mean very rough) synopsis of No Boundaries and in the middle of it, I realized Good Grief!! I packed a lot of crap stuff in this book!!! Not that having a packed book is a bad thing… it just makes it difficult to summarize.

I thought about how I came to have so much going on in the book. First of all, it’s the third book in the series, and there are story lines that were started in book 1 (Misfit McCabe) which are carried through book 2 (Nowhere Feels Like Home) and into book 3 (No Boundaries). And there are story lines that started in book 2 (Nowhere Feels Like Home) and carried into No Boundaries. So at the beginning of this book, I already had two books worth of story lines to keep track of, plus the new story lines and characters in No Boundaries… no wonder I feel like this one is bursting at the seams. And I still have two books in the series to go.

The other reason why there is so much packed into the book is I like it that way. I do write some serene sections of reflection, but those are generally short and then we move back to more things happening. And on reflection one additional reason for the book to be full of goings-ons. Misfit McCabe was about Katie, Nowhere Feels Like Home is about Katie and her family, so the scope broadens, No Boundaries is about Katie and her relationships at school – an even bigger scope, the next book in the series will be about Katie and the world, and the final book in the series… well it’s a secret for now.

Now I can get back to the job of finishing the edits on No Boundaries so I can launch it and get the next book written.

I know what you’re thinking: Who cares? Right? Well, it just so happened that when I went to the counter to purchase my new bottles of nail polish, the clerk started to read my shirt. (I have a shirt with the cover of Misfit McCabe on it) So when he asked, I told him it was one of my books, that I was a writer of young adult fiction. (And this is exactly why I have the shirt – I’m terrible about promoting myself, but if I’m a walking billboard, then people ask and it reminds me to promote my work.)

His next question gave me pause. He wanted to know whether I wrote the heavy romance kind (meaning sex) or stuck with throwing in as much foul language in as possible. I answered the question, and explained about my books (the answer being no to both the explicit romance and foul language questions.) But as I walked out of the store, having helped to educate a tiny bit that the young adult genre extends beyond sex and bad language, the experience made me wonder if that is what has happened to young adult literature. Is that how the general public views the category? Have we gone so far in pushing the boundaries, that the general public comes to view YA as being R-rated?

Don’t get me wrong… I am not proposing that some of the fine writing out there in the YA category is smut or uses language to up its street cred. And I’m not proposing that we sanitize the writing. Topics being covered may be tough to stomach sometimes, but they are a reflection of life. But have we forgotten about the kids who are not living on the edge, who want something to identify with, too? I will support every writers right to write their novel, and if bad language is required by the situation, then I accept and support it. If sex is involved because it is appropriate for the storyline, I will argue with anyone who says it should be cut. But if those thing are gratiuitous, then they need to go. Just like anything else in any novel which doesn’t belong.

I’ll admit, the experience rocked me just a little. On the surface, a simple clarifying question, but its roots are deep and disturbing.

Yesterday I noticed we needed more toilet paper (and yes, apparently I am the only one in the household who is gifted with the ability to hunt for toilet paper in the wilds of a store and successfully capture and bring it home.) I meant to stop at Walmart (across the street from work, so the most convenient place) and get some before coming home yesterday, but forgot… I won’t elaborate as to why, but will just say it has a lot to do with how the work day went. So what, you say? I am a self-confessed freak about having enough toilet paper in the house. I break out in a sweat if I get down to the last roll. It may be strange, but deal with it.

Since I felt so blah upon arrival home after having forgotten about the toilet paper, I didn’t go out and get any last night. Which was epic because we actually put the last roll on the spindle – a true indication of how off I am feeling. So today at the end of work, I did go get the toilet paper (yes, I bought two 24-double roll packs for two people in the house, what of it?) and proceeded home.

As I exited the freeway on the last leg of my homeward journey, I thought about how melancholy I felt and was having one of those “is all of the effort worth it?” moments. And there was a huge line at the stop light and it took forever to change, and all I wanted to do was to get home, get into something comfortable, and turn into a slug. To top things off, some guy in the lane next to me started honking his horn and calling out.

Yes, he honked and called to me. I rolled down the window and his first question was, “Are you the author?” What a wonderful thing to hear while waiting for a stoplight to change from eternal red to green. And before you think this guy is psychic or something, you should know that I have a magnet with the cover of Misfit McCabe on the car door. He was in the car with what I presume to be his daughter, and we proceeded to have a brief conversation about the book and he wanted to write the information down, so I grabbed a bookmark and hopped out of the car to give it to him. (I told you the light was eternal red). We shared a few more words, and finally with a green light we both moved on.

I laughed a little as I moved up to the light (no I didn’t make it through, but he did) because on the seat next to me were the two humongous packages of toilet paper, and I thought of some people I know who would have been embarrassed to have a conversation with toilet paper on the seat. Not me. If I didn’t stop for toilet paper, we wouldn’t have arrived to wait in the line at the same time and I wouldn’t have made that particular connection. So the lessons learned:

1. You can’t embarrass me with toilet paper.
2. Always make sure you have bookmarks to hand out with you in the car… you never know when you might need one.
3. And when things seem dreary, something will come along to show you some light… you just have to allow it to come in.

Oh, and the pic really works for me, because I was having such an eeyore-ish moment, and suddenly the world had sparkles.

The reason I dislike it so much and call it evil all the time, is that it is tedious to go through. When you take a completed draft and run it through and find that you have written ~8,500 sentences (No Boundaries, Misfit McCabe series, book 3), the first thought is, “Wow! I’ve really accomplished something!” And you KNOW you’ve polished every single sentence, so the software won’t find much to correct, right? Oh, poor delusional author… when the results come back and you see that you have approximately 5,800 potential problems out of your 8,500 sentences (or ~68%), lightheadedness ensues. It’s like you’ve acquired a critique partner on steroids, and this one does not overlook ANYTHING!! So evil – evil – evil!

But after I’ve been revived and put ice on the lump on my head (from where it hit the counter when I passed out), I realize two things:

1. Fiction writing is supposed to have contractions, so I can whack those results from the start.
2. It forces me to look at my manuscript from another perspective. An almost true line by line read through, and I always see amazing things when I do that.

Now I don’t act on every suggestion from the software, that would be ludicrous and make for some boring reading. But the value is that it makes me relook at the specific sentence, out of context, and once you take sentences out of context, things tend to jump out that you weren’t able to see before. This aspect alone makes this process a valuable one because after so many times through the manuscript your brain starts playing tricks on you and it buries awkward phrasing and outright mistakes through familiarity. It also allows you to see where you may have used a particular device or way of phrasing things too many times, because if you have to see each and every time you used it in the entire novel, you do remember and know to go back and overhaul those points. For example, in No Boundaries I found I used the words while and since more times than I am comfortable with. I did change some of the instances, but need to go back and look for the high concentration areas so I can make some changes.

Every time I reach the phase of the process where it is time to embark in battle with evil S, I think about skipping the step. Then I rationalize and tell myself that if I don’t find too many items that I would make changes to in the first chapter, then I can release myself from the remainder because I have done a good job. THAT day has not come. Because every time I use the software, I remember why I got it in the first place – it helps me to be a better writer, and that is the goal.

5.1.3 Digital Book Rejection. We are entitled to determine what content we accept and distribute through the Program in our sole discretion.

According to the information floating around the internet, Amazon chose not to pull the book because Amazon doesn’t condone censorship. I don’t condone censorship… but this is an issue BEYOND censorship. Amazon is not a governmental agency, they are a retailer who felt that keeping a book on their virtual shelves was more important than the outcry of their customers. In a way, I see the issue as a product recall issue. Over the years, products are released which have a problem and the products are then recalled due to public outcry over the harm they can cause. This is a product that SHOULD be recalled. So Amazon’s stance does not make sense to me. There is a lot of talk of boycotting Amazon, and although they have pulled the title now, in a kind of now you see it, now you don’t, way, I feel that their responsiveness in this particular situation was lacking. It is not the first time the mega-giant has moved slowly to rectify a situation. Nor do I expect it to be the last.

I’m caught in a bit of a quandry, because my books Misfit McCabe and Nowhere Feels Like Home are readily available through Amazon, and not found in your brick and mortar stores. So, I’ve decided to ask people to purchase the print versions through my website bookstore and the ebooks through either Barnes and Noble or through Smashwords.com

If you’d like to read two well thought out, but somewhat opposing viewpoints on the entire issue, stop by Kimberly Kinrade’s blog and Lori Reed’s blog.

The downhill slide is a bittersweet time for me. I’m excited to get to the finish line, yet saddened to be leaving the story behind for awhile. I console myself (yes – console) that revisions lie ahead in a few short weeks and I will be reunited with my characters and have the opportunity to mold and shape the raw clay I have produced. It’s also at this point where I look at what I have to fit into the remainder of the book and look at the dwindling words left to write, and a tiny bit of panic sets in. How will I fit it all in?

Fortunately, I have learned who I am as a writer and always build in a buffer (minimum 10K) because I know I will add more before I cut. Then after I have built the book up to a point where it is longer than it should be, I reach for the scalpel, and start trimming away the fat. This particular project, being a middle grade novel, means I have a little less leeway with the word count than I normally do with a young adult novel, so the hill is looking pretty steep as I make my way to the top. The slide will be steep, and the ride will be fast, but I am ready to hit it at a run.